However, there is one day a year that I am the total opposite... I am vulnerable. I wear my heart on my sleeves and I easily break down over anything and everything. And today is that day.
16 Years ago today my world change. I lost my dad to a massive heart attack. I was 7 year old and honestly today is much like that day. Warm, cool breeze, and a little humid. I remember it perfectly... what I wore, what my brother wore, what he wore... Fighting the paramedics to get inside to see him, fighting my brother, and then nothing but numb. I remember what my mom said to me, I remember the look on her face, I remember her sitting in the rocking chair in the living room with people all around when she told me. I remember his funeral and the songs and the flowers...and then 3 years later having it all hit me and I buckled.
It is funny how a lot of times, brokeness is the one thing that draws you the closest to God. On that day, God became my Abba, my daddy, my comfort and protector. My dad's death is a big part of my testimony. Not because it made me doubt God and question his righteousness or love or devotion or grace, but because I learned he is merciful and can hold you so close during those times. How his love can cover a multitude of hurts.
Normally on April 1, I am a little more quiet and a little more weak. But, I remember how proud of my dad I am and how he must be so pleased with being able to be with Jesus. He loved God and taught me God so I have no doubt that he is a hundred percent complete, which is such an awesome thought.
I apologize that this is a longer post and not one that is terribly uplifting. I ask that you be thankful for the father figures in your life today, as I am in mine.
Much Love,
Jessica Katherine Cameron Alexander
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